Your Aquarius Funny Horoscope

AquariusThe FUNNY HOROSCOPE that reveals the light (or dark) side of your personality.
Mostly hideously hilarious!

Occasionally downright daft!

Amuse yourself and make fun of your friends with the Aquarius Hilaroscope (20th January – 18th February).

Character, love, money, future and much more ridiculously revealed.

WARNING: May induce heart attacks or fits in those who take themselves too seriously.


Aquarians are intellectuals, which means that they know a really great deal about lots of irrelevant stuff. Try marvelling at a magnificent red sunset in the presence of an Aquarian and be prepared for a long lecture on planetary orbits, wavelengths of light and dust particles in the atmosphere. Obviously, Aquarians are not at all romantic. In fact, Aquarians use the word ‘romantic’ to talk about the sort of stuff you found boring at school, such as Keats, William Blake, or Latin.

If there ever was a rebel at heart, it had to be an Aquarian. Aquarians just love to go against accepted ideas and norms. Not surprisingly, they have come up with many of the world’s weirdest ideas such as lobotomy, break dancing and salmon flavoured ice-cream. This freethinking trait lasts until around their 60th birthday, when they suddenly become stubborn, eccentric, old gits.

Aquarians are independent people, which is actually a polite way of saying ‘friendless’. It is practically impossible to have any form of relationship with an Aquarian and anyone who does attempt to do so should be aware that they run an extremely high risk of brain haemorrhage. Why anybody actually bothers with Aquarians in the first place is one of sociology’s most intriguing mysteries and the various theories that have been proposed will be the subject of a forthcoming BBC documentary.

One strange thing about Aquarians is that they seem to enjoy giving stuff away. This may make them appear rather altruistic, but in reality, they just can’t be bothered to hold a garden sale.

Politically, Aquarians tend to be liberals. Socially, they tend to be inept.


Picture the love life of a medieval hermit in a damp cave and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what it’s like for Aquarians. The only thing Aquarians know about love is that it’s something they have absolutely no luck at all with. In fact if an Aquarian ever actually enters into an intimate relationship, it is entirely due to the other person’s misfortune and thankfully does not last long. An Aquarian’s ideal partner is of course anyone he can possibly lay his hands on.


Money is another weird Aquarian invention. Who in their right mind would risk their life hunting wild oxen in return for a couple of shiny pebbles? The idea has since been taken a few more steps down the winding path of weirdness, and most people today would actually do anything for a few worn out bits of paper. Aquarians are not at all embarrassed to have brought about this ridiculous situation. They would do anything for some of those bits of paper too.


Aquarians have great hope in the future – in what they call the New Age of Aquarius. That’s where they believe great progress and ultimate knowledge lie, not to mention actual fun stuff like arcane rituals, magic potions and naked moonlit dances.

The real truth is that one day an Aquarian will come up with some invention that will spell the doom of the whole human race. The only way to avoid this catastrophe is to spell the doom of each and every Aquarian before he gets the chance to invent anything at all. The only problem is that doom is very easy to spell, but most people cannot spell ‘Aquarian’.

Famous Aquarians

Galileo Galilei, Charles Darwin, Abraham Lincoln

Ideal jobs

Aquarians excel at being mad scientists – and mad in general. Some like to think that they might make great wizards.

This Hilaroscope is Courtesy of Andrew De Gabriele of Write On Copywriting Services
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