The FUNNY HOROSCOPE that reveals the light (or dark) side of your personality.

Mostly hideously hilarious! Occasionally downright daft!

Amuse yourself and make fun of your friends with the Taurus Hilaroscope (20th April – 20th May).

Character, love, money, future and much more ridiculously revealed.

WARNING: May induce heart attacks or fits in those who take themselves too seriously.

Character

Taurus are as patient and relaxed as they are stubborn and possessive. All Taurus are born with dual personalities and giving birth to a Taurus child is almost like having twins – without the government benefits.

A Taurus is never in any hurry at all. He is the sort of person who can only manage one or two licks at an ice cream before it falls off the cone and splatters dramatically onto the floor.

Taurus spend an extraordinary amount of money on plane tickets but almost always arrive late for their flights. These paid, unclaimed seats are the secret behind low-cost airlines that can fly you half way around the world for the price of a cholesterol-packed fast food meal. Low-cost airlines don’t offer free meals because Taurus are not quite stupid enough to pay for them.

Taurus are the definition of stubborn. Once a thought gets into a Taurus’ head, it never ever gets out again. Actually, it’s very hard to get anything into a Taurus’ head in the first place! Many Taurus suffer horrible migraines caused by a build-up of spontaneous ideas that suddenly materialise and never go away. They are also very prone to have nosebleeds. Some nosebleeds are caused by this build-up of ideas. Most are caused by irritated people.

Taurus make great dictators (in other words they make some of the most horribly atrocious dictators imaginable). One sure sign that a Taurus is becoming a dictator is that even their typical patience has packed its bags and gone on retirement. Another, even more definite, sign is that they keep talking extremely slowly and expect everyone to take notes.

Love

Taurus might be hard to put up with, but as far as loving them is concerned, they’re more or less the human equivalent of broccoli. To make matters worse, they are very, very jealous and become paranoid extremely easily. Even the slightest incident, such as asking them for the TV remote, can make a Taurus a severely doubt your love. The good thing is that they forgive and forget and arguments don’t usually last longer than the commercial break.

All in all, lovers of Taurus ought to consider themselves very lucky indeed. Or rather, lovers of Taurus should consider themselves extremely lucky if they don’t go totally insane.

Money

Taurus are very stingy and don’t spend much on anything (apart from airplane tickets). Many live almost exclusively on a diet of white rice, except for some toast and jam at Christmas. Don’t give a Taurus any money on his birthday – he’ll probably never use it.

Future

In a sense the future belongs to Taurus because they often get their way in the end, not by being persuasive, but by patiently waiting long enough and generally being a pain. And in a sense it doesn’t, because death is in much less of a hurry and always wins the waiting game eventually.

A Taurus will probably save up a considerable amount of money over the years. Inflation will see to it that this money will be worthless whenever it’s most needed. Taurus are also very likely to die of malnutrition or to be killed in a botched burglary.

Famous Taurus

Adolf Hitler, Nicolai Lenin, Sigmund Freud, Eva Peron (Evita)

Ideal jobs

Taurus tend to make good dictators, megalomaniacs and, believe it or not, shepherds.

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This Hilaroscope is Courtesy of Andrew De Gabriele of Write On Copywriting Services
Visit www.write-on.net for more information.