The FUNNY HOROSCOPE that reveals the light (or dark) side of your personality.

Mostly hideously hilarious! Occasionally downright daft!

Amuse yourself and make fun of your friends with the Virgo Hilaroscope (23rd August – 22nd September).

Character, love, money, future and much more ridiculously revealed.

WARNING: May induce heart attacks or fits in those who take themselves too seriously.

Character

Many people closely associate Virgo with virgins. This is not entirely correct. While the word ‘virgin’ means pure and chaste, Virgos are demanding, critical and picky … and, (probably because of this) for the most part, pure and chaste.

Even the smallest decision is enough to give a Virgo a headache. Their most common late-for-work excuse is, “I was trying to figure out my right sock from my left and lost track of time.” It goes without saying that Virgos rely on their mums to shop for their clothes. It also goes without saying that Virgos’ bosses are not usually amused by such poor excuses. And yet another thing that goes without saying it that there is absolutely no point in mentioning things that go without…

Back to Virgos! Virgo can be incredibly methodical, although more accurate words would be ‘repetitive’, ‘predictable’ and ‘mind-bogglingly boring’. They are usually the sort of people whom you can easily set your watch by. Virgos have been known to suffer severe depression because of something as trivial as a change in the local bus timetable.

Virgos have a reputation for being incredibly humane, which incidentally is not stuck up French for ‘human’, but simply means that they don’t eat chicken and think that convicted criminals would be traumatised if they didn’t have satellite TV in their cells.

Love

Virgos are convinced deep down that their ideal soul mate is somewhere out there. What few of them actually realise is that ‘out there’ is actually quite larger than the average back yard and can be notoriously difficult to search – even with modern satellite technology.

Eventually Virgos become convinced (usually by their mothers) to hire the services of a dating agency in order to find an ‘appropriate match’. The most common adverts read something like: ‘Virgo, 44, non-smoker. Seeks first love.’

Money

Virgos are money magnets of a kind. They have a weird tendency to find money in the most unlikely places, such as wedged behind the cistern in public toilets or stuck to the bottom of their shoe with chewing gum after a jog in the park. The main problem is that their booty mostly happens to come in obscure currencies like Bourodian Jippets, Pogalese Kilants or Suterian Flamps that not even the high street banks have ever heard of. Not that it really matters because they would probably need a whole briefcase full to make up 20p’s worth.

As far as most Virgos are concerned they’d be much happier coming across a more or less serviceable copy of last week’s News of the World (preferably not stuck to their shoe with anything).

Future

Virgo ‘s future is not quite as uneventful as it is eventless. Fast-food dinners for one don’t quite fit into the category of events. Long nights munching crisps in front of movie reruns are definitely not events. And Saturdays spent home alone listening to old rock albums at full volume only manage to make it into the realm of ‘minor incidents’ at around 10:30 p.m. when the police finally pop round investigate the neighbours’ complaints. That’s life for a Virgo, though most admit that it could be worse.

Famous Virgos

Mother Theresa, Agatha Christie, Stephen King

Ideal jobs

Virgos would make perfect assembly line personnel, choir singers, and rat catchers.
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This Hilaroscope is Courtesy of Andrew De Gabriele of Write On Copywriting Services
Visit www.write-on.net for more information.