The FUNNY HOROSCOPE that reveals the light (or dark) side of your personality.
Mostly hideously hilarious! Occasionally downright daft!
Amuse yourself and make fun of your friends with the Leo Hilaroscope (23rd July – 22nd August).
Character, love, money, future and much more ridiculously revealed.
WARNING: May induce heart attacks or fits in those who take themselves too seriously.
Character
Leos are proud and pretentious and will take advantage of every opportunity to brag about the silliest of things – from the six cans of baked beans they bought for a pound from the supermarket’s bargain section, to the amorous exploits of their great-aunt’s pet Chihuahua. Some Leos will even brag about being the best bragger in town.
Ask a Leo how he spent his weekend, and you’re in for a long afternoon of listening to tales so tall that they could scare the bejeebies out of a kickboxing giraffe. One of the stories might actually be about the heroic capture of a group of kickboxing giraffes that escaped from an obscure Romanian circus together with other animals, and about the hop-scotching elephants and lion-taming cockroaches that still remain at large. Most of what Leos will tell you, however, will be about hot dates, cool bike stunts and meetings with celebrities, and will be infinitely much harder to believe.
It’s no secret that Leos are highly creative and have a vivid imagination. What few know, however, is that this really means that they spend most of their lives in a dream fantasy world inhabited by a little green goblin called Pinkie.
Leos can be cruel, and while ‘cruel’ can be many things, Leos have unsurprisingly mastered all of them. There are the cruel-for-fun Leos who delight in roasting insects with magnifying lenses. There are the intellectually-cruel Leos – the sort of people who decided that the word ‘lisp’ should have the letter ‘s’ in it. And then there are the cruel-to-be-kind Leos who believe that a good rap across the rear every now and then saves children from becoming serial killers when they grow up. These are by far the worst of the lot and are the sort of people who would make delicious oil-soaked doughnuts illegal given half the chance.
Love
Great amorous adventures at incredibly wild parties await Leos on the horizon – and will remain there indefinitely. In reality, Leos should be extremely grateful if they actually manage a one-night-stand here and there, and are strongly advised to get rid of their partner before becoming sober again. Leos will find that chewing some mint-flavoured gum will enhance their lover’s experience – or at least result in fewer complaints of bad breath.
Money
Their knack for making money out of nothing is what distinguishes Leos from most other entrepreneurs. They are also great at embracing new technology, such as the Internet, and making the best of it in their business ventures. You will therefore find many Leos selling burnt toast on eBay. Buyers should beware of the numerous imitations that are now flooding the market, and that may soon force Leos to search for new, innovative products (such as used teabags, mismatched socks or bottled highland mountain air).
Future
Leos are born optimists. They never worry about the future, and the future doesn’t give a hoot about them either. Leos always have a silly smirk on their face that reveals their happy-go-lucky nature and will eventually make everyone hate their guts.
Leos really have it coming! One day they will find themselves in a horrible misadventure that is incredibly stranger (and infinitely more amusing) than any silly story they ever told. The saddest thing is that they will be certified crazy, bound in a straight jacket and removed from society as soon as they actually get to talk about it.
Famous Leos
Aldous Huxley, Alfred Hitchcock, Monica Lewinsky
Ideal jobs
Leo s are best suited to become fiction writers, door-to-door salespeople or abattoir workers.
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This Hilaroscope is Courtesy of Andrew De Gabriele of Write On Copywriting Services
Visit www.write-on.net for more information.
